Feeling
Redeemed?
Friends of mine went through a
divorce some time ago, after the husband learned that his wife had been
involved in an affair. I was in a
difficult situation, being friends with both spouses. Attempts had been made to reconcile (including
counseling) but trust had been broken beyond repair in their eyes.
The divorce process was ugly. Neither the wife nor the husband were willing
to concede much, and both pointed their fingers at the other as the reason for
the broken relationship. He blamed her
for the affair and she blamed him for taking her for granted, to the point that
she searched elsewhere. Looking at the
situation from outside of the heated emotion, I could see that BOTH of them
were right and wrong.
They were right that their spouses
had made a mistake, and they were wrong that the other’s mistake was worse than
their own. While they justified their actions
within their minds, neither spouse was exempt from responsibility for the
regression of the marriage.
After the divorce, the wife moved
out of the area to start over. I lost
touch with her but continued communication with the husband. We talked on the phone and met for occasional
meals. After some time had passed, I
asked him if he was ready to start dating again? He shrugged and said, “I don’t think I can
ever trust another woman again.”
That situation had a profound effect
on me. It was before my calling to
seminary, and I was struggling with my own issues related to forgiveness. While trust is something that is earned, it
certainly didn’t seem fair that someone who had not done anything wrong (in his
case, potential new dates) should start out being perceived as untrustworthy.
So while trust is something that is
gained over time, a new relationship cannot begin on the grounds that the new
girlfriend has to prove that she isn’t untrustworthy. My friend’s lack of trust has caused him to
be unhealthy in relationships. Instead
of seeing people in a generally favorable light, he sees them as untrustworthy
until they prove otherwise.
This perception is typically a phase in a healthy healing
process, but when lack of trust becomes the default or the norm, it negatively
affects every relationship the person experiences (including other family,
friends, co-workers, etc). The lack of
trust then becomes HIS unhealthy problem rather than the problem of those with whom
he is involved.
In John 1, verses 16-17 we read, “From
his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. The law indeed was given through Moses; grace
and truth came through Jesus Christ.”
And then back to verse 11, “He came to what was his own, and his own
people did not accept him.”
Do we really believe this message of
grace that we proclaim as Christians? “From his fullness we have all received
grace upon grace.” It doesn’t say
that you ‘will’ or ‘might one day’ receive God’s grace. We have already received it. Belief in God’s grace through Christ is
supposed to release us from the burdens of our past, trusting that nothing
prevents us from God’s love and forgiveness.
Jesus’ promise of love and forgiveness
strengthens us to be real and honest about ourselves, acknowledging that we are
imperfect yet still accepted by God. If
we are generally untrusting of others, how can we trust God? And before we can trust others, we have to
trust ourselves.
My friend is in a new relationship
but it took years before he was emotionally healthy enough to recognize that he
was part of the problem in his past marriage.
He had to overcome his trust problem by facing his fear. It wasn’t just about trusting women for a
relationship, but he also had to deal with trusting himself…trusting that he
was worthy of love and another relationship. Now through humility and grace
(recognizing that while imperfect, he is lovable), he has blossomed as a person
and as a partner.
You and I are redeemed through
Christ. It’s already done; which means
that we can face the discomfort of our fears without the threat of God’s
rejection. When we are feeling
vulnerable, Jesus is our solid foundation to stand upon. The healing process is slow, but Jesus helps
us grow and mature in our faith and understanding. And over time, we recognize his presence
where we were blind to it in the past.
Are you feeling redeemed? Has the experience of freedom through Christ
filled your spirit with hope and joy? In
2015, let’s make an effort to release past burdens and move forward in the
freedom, love, and grace of Jesus Christ.
Amen.